" . . . and now, peaty single-malt . . . . . . David Letterman."

ACT 1:
Monologue jokes:
-"It was cold today in New York City. It was so cold, Times Square hookers were blowing on soup."
-"The economy's getting worse. Here's how bad things are. On today's show, Oprah gave everyone in her audience a car . . . company."
-"The Bush girls showed the Obama girls around the White House. The kids got scared when they heard the pipe organ music coming from Dick Cheney's underground lair."

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
Bush: "The challenge facing the United States is we have to be right one time . . . . I mean, 100% of the time . . . ."

ACT 2:
College is looking for a national champion and Dave knows where they can find it . . . . it's in Muncie, Indiana. That's right, the Ball State Cardinals! 11-0 are the Cards of Ball State. Wednesday night in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, Ball State defeated the Central Michigan Chippewas, 31-24 and are now ranked 14th in the nation by the Associated Press. The BCS . . . . the Bowl Championship Series . . . awaits! What, you say? The Cardinals aren't worthy? Did you see the 11-0 record? Dave takes a look at some of the other powerhouse college football teams.
The USC Trojans - a perennial power . . . oh, look, they have a loss. They're 9-1.
The Ohio State Buckeyes . . . 9-2.
The Nebraska Cornhuskers. They're 7-4. "Thanks, girls."
The Penn State Nittany Lions are 10-1.
Texas Longhorns: 10-1.
The LSU Tigers: 7-3.
The Ball State Cardinals . . . . . 11-0, ladies and gentlemen! Dave reminds us that the cardinal is the fiercest robin-size bird in the world. They will roost on your lower lip and peck your nose off. And don't forget: "Chirp, Chirp. It's Bird Time." Dave says he is contractually ordered to say that. It comes with the free shirt he got in the mail. Dave is hoping the Alabama Crimson Tide in the BCS championship game, and to the incredulous, Dave bellows, "C'mon! They beat Central Michigan!"

Let's get the BSC in the BCS on CBS!

Yeah, I know the BCS is on FOX but FOX wouldn't work in my cool little slogan.

Wednesday night, Katie Couric was a guest on the show. She talked about the CBS Evening News, the election, and Sarah Palin. In Thursday's New York Post, scribe Don Kaplan questioned why the subject of John McCain "dissing Dave" and going on with Katie Couric never came up. Dave, caught to the quick, slapped his head and realized Kaplan was right. How could Dave forget such a thing? Dave recaps the events that unfolded that day. (To read what unfolded that day, read the September 24, 2008 Wahoo Gazette in the archives. I'm not sure if going to the archives counts for another hit for me and the Wahoo.)
Dave has Katie Couric on the phone. Dave picks up and says hello. Is she watching Dave right now? Katie says she isn't, "I'm watching Oprah." The jab registers with Dave but he sort of lets it slide. Dave explains that he forgot to ask Katie about the John McCain incident. She says it probably was due to a "brain synapse misfiring." Dave sighs and says she doesn't have to rub it in. Katie then explains how things evolved that day from her point of view. She says McCain called Katie on her cellphone and said, "Listen, I'm suspending my campaign" to get down to Washington to fix this economy thing. Katie said, "That's interesting. You know, you're in New York, why don't you come over here and do an interview so you can tell the American people rather than just telling me." She then tells Dave, "If I had known that he had a commitment to you, I would have said 'Oh, by all means, go do Dave's show.'" Dave isn't quite buying it and suspects Katie was in on this whole "cancel Dave" thing. She assures Dave she had no idea that he was booked to do Dave's show and only found about it later when she says, "I saw you have a cow on the air." Dave has had just about enough and wonders aloud, "Why did I place this call?"
Katie then brings up how we stole the clip from CBS News of John McCain sitting with Katie getting ready for their interview. Ms. Couric says she was relieved it was McCain getting the makeup and not her. We take a look at that clip again. Dave heard they were outraged at CBS News because we swiped the video. Katie says that is not true at all and assures, "Nobody really knew that you had done that, Dave." Again, Dave is peeved. What does she mean that nobody knew! Nobody at CBS News watches the Late Show? Ohhh, that Katie is sure sneaking in some jabs and uppercuts . . . very effectively, I might add. An exasperated Dave wonders if we have Don Rickles on the phone or Katie Couric.
Before saying goodbye, Dave wants to know one more thing. "That weather guy, what's his name, Dave Price . . . . I hear he calls you on the phone in the middle of the night."
Katie says there is no truth in that, but plugs that he is a very funny guy who we should have on the show. Oy, funny weather guys. Is there anything more annoying than a weather guy who thinks he is funny? . . . . . . ooops, sorry, Mr. Letterman. I forgot.

And that was Katie. Very well done.

ACT 3:
STEPHEN COLBERT
Were you like me? When Stephen Colbert walked out did you say, "Hey, he sort of looks like Dave Price."
How is Mr. Colbert handling the post-election letdown? Stephen says it's not over yet and that McCain cans still pull this out.
Colbert had some advice for McCain that he thought would help his chances before the election. To prove that he really was a maverick and was willing to reach across party lines and work together, McCain should have endorsed Barack Obama. It would show he had the judgment to lead. McCain didn't take him up on the idea and now it looks like it is too late . . . but not so late that he can't still win this thing. Stephen has his Comedy Central special this Sunday, "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All." Dave asks what was Christmas like for Stephen growing up. Stephen comes from a family the size of a small country. Every Christmas morning the kids would sit on the steps waiting for mom and dad to give the "go ahead" to get to their presents in the living room. Stephen, the youngest, would sit at the bottom step, the oldest at the top. When dad would eventually muster up the "OK", one of the more athletic Colbert kids would leap in excitement from 9 steps up like Spiderman to the floor below. Those younger learned it would be best to duck before racing to the living room.
And we see some photos of a recent project Stephen's been working on. With the help of his son, he built himself a rowboat. It was a fun father/son thing to do. How much did his son help? Stephen admits it wasn't much more than, "Peter, get daddy another Red Stripe." Ooooh, I really liked that. What I found funny was the reference of "Red Stripe." I like beer, but Red Stripe isn't near the top in my familiarity. In telling the story, Colbert's Red Stripe was the perfect beer for me. It offered just the right amount of recognition. I imagine infrequent imbibers missed it. "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All" - this Sunday night on Comedy Central at 10:00 PM.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, James Franco, author Bruce McCall; and James Brown tribute band The AllStarz!
Special message to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: I've been back again and need to be punished!"

ACT 6:
KRISTEN STEWART
She's in the new film, "Twilight," which every teen girl seems to be breathlessly awaiting. "Twilight" is a vampire movie, but the vampires are vegetarians. Huh? I guess . . . . maple trees should be scared?
Kristen comes from a "below the line" showbiz family; those not in front of the camera . . . or behind the camera. I think "below the line" means those behind those behind the camera. Kristen's mom is a script supervisor and her dad was a stage manager, not an assistant director. She used to hang around the sets quite a bit but never had a desire to act. But she did appear as an extra in the blockbuster, "The Flintstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas" as a ring toss girl.
Kristen has been busy promoting "Twilight" and is looking for some time off. The promotion tour will finish up in either London or Berlin and from there she wants to drive to Russia. Dave says, "Well, then, I hope it's Berlin." But Kristen would be happy if it is London.
To introduce the clip, Dave asks Kristen, "Do you know what we're going to see?" She says she does.
"Twilight" - it opens Friday.

ACT 7:
SUPER DIAMOND
A tribute to one of America's most popular singer song-writers! Super Diamond will be appearing at the House of Blues in Chicago on January 16 and 17. Tonight, Super Diamond performed Neil Diamond's "Cracklin' Rosie."

And that was our show for Thursday, November 20, 2008.



As I wrote about Dave realizing his oversight in not asking Katie Couric about the John McCain incident, I put that Dave was "caught to the quick." The only time I've heard that expression was in the "Wizard of Oz" when Captain Marvel said it to Dorothy. I looked up "caught to the quick" and "caught me by the quick" but found little to shed light. Am I using the phrase correctly? Am I remembering it right? Is this something Captain Marvel said? Or is this something I've totally made up?

And another thing . . . . I just checked out the Late Show website. You ever been there? Anyway, the whole Dave/Katie Couric phone call can be seen on the Dave TV section.
So why do I need to write about it? Just watch it yourself! I'm knocking myself out here telling you what went on during the phone call, and I realize I really don't have to.

Sexiest Man Alive is Hugh Jackman? OK, maybe, but my vote was with Dave Annable.

I've said it many times before and been told it even more: I know nothing about politics. But this is something that just seems odd to me. Barack Obama's choice to head the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is Arizona Governor Janet Naplitano. And the first thing that comes to my mind is: "Gee, she's done a great job of securing the Mexico/Arizona border."

Hey! The Hawaii quarter came out November 3rd. It's the last in the State Quarter collection. What, no news about this? America's been collecting the quarters for ten years now and there is no mention anywhere . . . that I saw . . . that all 50 are available. I pitched an idea that someone from Hawaii should present Dave with the final quarter for his collection. The guy I suggested it to then pretended to get a call on his cellphone and walked away.

Thirsty? Need refreshment? Try New Leaf Ice Tea. Google it. Find it. Drink it. You'll be glad you did. www.drinknewleaf.com

And now another installment of "My Idea That Wasn't Used."
When I heard we would be doing "Tribute Band Week," I suggested that each night a Dave lookalike should thank the band and close up the show.
This concludes another installment of "My Idea That Wasn't Used."

And now, once again, Late Night the Day They Were Born!
Kristen Stewart was born April 9, 1990. So, what happened on Late Night the Day Kristen Stewart was born?
April 9, 1990 was a Monday and Late Night was in a repeat. But what happened on Late Night the day after Kristen was born?
April 10, 1990; Late Night show #1288: It's hot in the studio so Al Maher holds the studio door open all night; Mike Aulby bowls in the hall at Easter eggs and a bowl of jellybeans; Baseball Sound-effects quiz; Jeff Altman; Top Ten things that will get you audited; Stevie Ray Vaughn sings "Wall of Denial"; Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie) bowls in the hall.
And that's what happened on Late Night the Day After Kristen Stewart Was Born!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He's a big Johnny Dark fan, from Montreal, Quebec, it's Brian Cooke.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com