" . . . and now, baffling paranormal phenomenon . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue:
-"Yesterday was Thanksgiving. It was a wonderful day. The only sour note . . . . pirates hijacked Rosie O'Donnell's gravy boat."
-"All through the weekend, the hookers in Times Square are offering their Thanksgiving Special. For $50, they'll pull your wishbone."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: "Look, I didn't like to take tests either, but that's too bad!"

ACT 2:
It's the busiest travel time of the year, so tonight we presented a Thanksgiving Weekend Travel Advisory.
Shot of people at an airport.
Announce: "Attention, air travelers using Denver International Airport. On the upper level of Concourse B, Senator Larry Craig is lurking in the third stall of the men's room.
You've been warned.
This has been a Thanksgiving Weekend Travel Advisory."

Every year the President does this thing where he gets a turkey and pardons it before the big Thanksgiving feast. It's a big unfunny "ha ha" with everyone at the White House pretending it's a whole lot of fun. Dave appropriately sizes, "It couldn't be a bigger load of horse 'djoy.'" Well, the President pardoned a pair of turkeys again this week. It was his eighth year of participating in the tradition. We thought it might be interesting to see what has happened to some of the previous pardoned turkeys.
Art Card: "Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?"
Announce:

"In 2005, George W. Bush pardoned two turkeys named Marshmallow and Yam. They were then taken to a farm in Virginia, where Marshmallow lived out his life in peace and contentment, while Yam returned to a life of crime, stealing cars, and robbing liquor stores, before being imprisoned in 2006. This has been "Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?'"

How can you say "no" to that?

And then Dave reads tonight's list of fun facts. We're hoping to make it a World Wide Pants reality series.

ACT 3:
TOM ARNOLD
Tom's been busy getting sick and recovering since he's last been here. He had 3 heart stents to roto-rooter his heart and arteries and he's had a tumor removed from his throat. And then there's the sleep apnea that caused him to stop breathing 48 times a minute. He was getting what came to be about an hour of sleep a night. It was the reason for a lot of his . . . . things that have happened in his life. Hopefully all is now on the right track.
Sadly, Tom's third marriage ended in divorce. He says, "I filed for divorce. She took that to mean I wanted a divorce." He thought his wife Shelby knew that. Even though the papers were filled, they continued to live together. And then Tom saw the folly in all this and told her he was ripping up the silly divorce papers. Shelby stopped him. She wanted the divorce. Now that her house was finished in Brentwood, she was ready to leave. Tom realizes now that she was just biding her time until her house was ready to move in. Tom says he has 3 ex-wives, each with a nice house in Brentwood. Poor Tom was renting an apartment. But after this stock market and real estate market collapse, guess who is laughing now!
But Tom is said about his last marriage. He now realizes he didn't do the little things to make it work. Shelby would want Tom to join her to do some house shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond. Tom didn't see the need for him to tag along. It's the little things like going with your wife to BB&B that makes a successful marriage. And now that Tom is single, he's made himself go to BB&B and, hey, it's one heck of a store! Tom tells Shelby that he would be more than happy to go to Bed Bath and Beyond with her.
Personally, a woman who would divorce her husband because he wouldn't go to "Bed Bath and Beyond" is a "Bad Bet and Begone." Do I really think that? Not really, but I liked the rhyme and alliteration and didn't want it to go to waste.
Is Tom dating now? He says he met someone interesting at a Passover dinner, or "Jewish Easter" as Tom referred to it. Their eyes met and a bond was made. How's that working out? Tom says, "We haven't seen each other a lot which helps the relationship."
Marriage plans in their future? Tom says, "I've had 3 marriages and I only have one left in me." We'll see.
Tom's new film, "Gardens of the Night," opens December 5th in Los Angeles. It's a grim, dark story of child adduction which has received critical acclaim. Tom says the film worked closely with the Amber Watch Foundation, with more information available at www.AmberWatchFoundation.org.

ACT 4:
Today is the biggest shopping day of the year, so we thought we'd take a moment to see what's going on at the CBS Store.
Camera goes down the block to the CBS Store. In the empty store we find a lone employee behind the counter, looking neither young enough or pretty enough for sales.
DAVE: "Good evening, sir. What's your name?"
J. DARK: "Stanley Cronkite."
DAVE: "That's interesting. Any relation?"
J. DARK: "To who?"
DAVE: "Walter Cronkite, legendary CBS anchorman."
J. DARK: (shrugs) "I dunno."
DAVE: "Okay, it looks like you've just closed up after what I'm sure was a hectic day."
J. DARK: "No, we're still open." DAVE: "Oh. Has it been crazy?"
J. DARK: (sarcastic) "Yeah. It's been an absolute madhouse. You're gonna have to speak up."
DAVE: "Now, Stanley, I'm told you're the top salesman in the store."
J. DARK: "Yup. That's why the call me 'The Closer.'"
DAVE: "How often do you ---
J. DARK: "Because I always close the deal."
DAVE: "Yes, I got it. About how many people would you say were in today?"
J. DARK: "Hmmmm, ballpark? I'd say roughly two."
DAVE: "What'd they buy?"
J. DARK: "One guy returned a Late Show sweatshirt because it shrank. And the other guy bought a Bart Simpson shirt."
DAVE: "I think 'The Simpson' are on FOX."
J. DARK: "Geez! What are you, obsessed with TV? Take a walk, have a drink, and buy a sandwich, loser."
DAVE: "I'm just saying if you work in the CBS store, it'd probably be a good idea to know what shows are actually on CBS."
J. DARK: "I'm sorry, which one of is the G-damn 'Closer'?!"
DAVE: "Stanley Cronkite, ladies and gentlemen."

ACT 5:
Announce: "Monday on the Late Show, Russell Brand, Stupid Human Tricks, and musical guest Charlie Haden Family & Friends.
And if you like Stupid Human Tricks, you should see this thing I can do with my hand. (screams) Crap! I think I dislocated my thumb!"

ACT 6:
FAITH HILL
Faith is the mom of three daughters, 2 of which are on the cusp of becoming teenagers. I sat up to listen. She says they are still on the joyful side of it. My twin girls just turned 13. I've seen glimpses of the abyss, but so far it remains a joy. And once we're on the other side and past it, it might seem like it was a hard but joyous period, but I'm afraid of what it'll be like in the midst of it.
Faith asks about Harry. Dave says he is 5 years old and doing great. "He just joined a gang." Well, it's nice he's making friends.
Thanksgiving? Normally, Faith and the family host a big party of 20 or so with all the fixin's. This year, the family spent Thanksgiving at a restaurant in New York City.

I never had Thanksgiving at a restaurant. You? Dave and Faith discuss southern cooking. Dave recalls how his mom would cook everything in lard. It was a staple in his house. Faith says things haven't changed much in that way where she comes from.

Faith recently turned 41. What did she do for her birthday? She posed for a cover shot on "Shape" magazine. We take a look at the bikini-clad 41-year-old. Hot diggety. That's not like the 41-year-olds I see at the town pool.

And then from her new Christmas CD, "Joy to The World," Faith Hill and the Morgan State University Choir performed "Little Drummer Boy"

And that was our show for Friday, November 28, 2008.



I celebrated 12 years of doing the Wahoo the other day. It made me think back to the early days. I would type up the Wahoo, print it out, and then hand the hard copy to Jay and Walter. They would then type up the Wahoo for the website off the hard copy.
Then we advanced to the next stage. I would type up the Wahoo, copy it onto a disk (they showed me how), and then I would hand them the disk. They would copy it onto their computer and do whatever they do to get it on to the website. And then we advanced to the stage where I would type up the Wahoo and I would e-mail it to them. And then they would do what they do. That is where we are now.

I was in bed half awake/half asleep the other night. I like listening to talk radio when I go to bed. It puts me to sleep. I'll listen for about 5 minutes and then I am out. The other night I woke around 4:30 AM and couldn't fall back asleep. I put the ear-thing in my ear to quietly listen to the radio. Searching for something new, I stopped on a familiar voice. Could it be? But I thought he was dead. I heard the voice promoting some local eatery so I knew it had to be him . . . . . Danny Stiles on the Dial. Yes, it was Danny Stiles, the vicar of vintage vinyls. I hadn't listened to him since the early '80s, and he was old then! Danny Stiles plays old old songs, from the 20s, 30s, and 40s. I'm certainly not a student of the times but when I was 25 I could appreciate the sounds and history of those songs. And here he was the other night at 4:30 AM spinning records for his "hearties."
I listened for a minute then fell back asleep.
Who is Danny Stiles? Check him out at www.dannystiles.com

Whoa! So I went to the Danny Stiles website and across the top hyperlinked (I have no idea what a hyperlink is) is tickets for AC/DC. AC/DC tickets on the Danny Stiles website? What is going on here? Has the world been turned upside down? And then to the right of that is a link for cheap cigarettes. That made me laugh.

I read the other day that the Vatican has finally forgiven Beatles' John Lennon for something he said in 1966: that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Of course, everyone was outraged at the time, resulting in the burning of Beatle records in certain parts. But Lennon need not be forgiven. The way I learned it, or how I've interpreted it since hearing it years later, is that John Lennon was expressing the folly of the day's teens and the media for heaping so much adulation on the Beatles. Kids knew more about John, Paul, George, and Ringo than they did of Jesus Christ. Kids worshipped the Beatles more than they did Jesus. It was ridiculous and that was what John Lennon was pointing out when he said, "The Beatles are more popular than Jesus." At least that's the way I see it. Maybe Micah can help me out here.

Next week's previously viewed programs:
MONDAY: Original Air Date - 11/12/08; Show #3016: Stupid Human Tricks; Russell Brand; and Charlie Haden Family and Friends.
TUESDAY: Original Air Date - 11/13/08; Show #3017: Bruce Willis; and Sia. PLUS: the Obama fist bump, and Buddha Boy
WEDNESDAY: Original Air Date - 11/03/08; Show #3010: Paris Hilton; Jenny Lewis and Elvis Costello. PLUS: Andy Kindler spends times with undecided voters; Ricky Gervais Top Ten; and Harry turns 5.
THURSDAY: Original Air Date - 10/17/08; #3004: Tina Fey; Frank Caliendo; and Tim Montana. PLUS: Alan Kalter as Sarah Palin.
FRIDAY: Original Air Date - 9/10/08; #2982: Senator Barack Obama; and Lebron James. PLUS: Orange the Cat.

Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.

Enjoy the week!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Irvine, California, it's Ann Cullen Gregor.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com